and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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