I am puke
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
