Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize