There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
