Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We just shotgunned beers for America
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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