these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
bring money and cleavage
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
