I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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