i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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