He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
