it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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