I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
