Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
