hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
