please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She announced her abortion via fbk
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
