I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
