got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
