He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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