I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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