I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
