do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
