Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
