You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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