so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
