i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
