I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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