she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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