I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
