I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
