Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
