On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
