I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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