So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
