i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
