How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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