i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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