dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
