Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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