Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
