I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
