We're facebook friends in real life
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
