Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
