Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
