What did we do last night that was yellow?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
