Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
