I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
