She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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