theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
