After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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