It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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