I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
cat food counts as protein by the way
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
